we're chasing vodka with high fives
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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