it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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