i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
