i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
