Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Everything about him screamed your future.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
