never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
