So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
