Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
