I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
