apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
