I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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