i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
