Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
