i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize