i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
