just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
