My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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