We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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