she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
