the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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