dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
