How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
