My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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