I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize