if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize