So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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