I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
