How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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