Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
