I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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