I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
