Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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