yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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