Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
