you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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