I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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