she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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