No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
