i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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