dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize