is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
