I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
