i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
