R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
