Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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