Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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