Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
