Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
