There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
