I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
