When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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