I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
