Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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