At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
