Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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