What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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