two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
