Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
