i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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