So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
