sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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