he puts the penis in happiness.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
