Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
