Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
