I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I had to cum in my sink.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
