Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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