I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
