I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
