You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
