how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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