Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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