You're a womanizer and a bitch.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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