Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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