who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize