I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
