i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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