My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
