I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bring money and cleavage
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
